Grief

To live in the hearts of those we love, is not to die’.

When our beautiful Dad passed away shortly after Christmas 2013 after wrestling with mixed dementia/Alzheimers, Life as we knew it changed forever.  Nothing prepares anyone really for the emotional roller coaster that is to come. Grief is something that happens to us all at some stage in our lives. The feeling of intense sorrow, and devastating loss of a loved one, a relationship , a job or a much loved pet can be too much to bear in the early stages. We can become overwhelmed beyond belief by this terrible sense of loss, separation, and sadness. Sometimes tears fall easily and incessantly, and  sometimes they don’t fall at all.  At times we may feel as though we cannot breathe or catch our breath. There is no right way or wrong way to grieve. We each deal with our emotions in our own way, whatever that may be, and that’s okay. When we lose something that has been a big part of our lives for a long time or sometimes even just a short time, we may feel empty and hollow with nothing left to give, almost as if our insides have been ripped out, torn apart and discarded in all manner of directions.  We are left with a void that nothing can fill. Clouds and thunderstorms become the order of the day and night. Life goes on but we feel heavy and unable to cope at times, and can feel angry that everyone around us seems to be able to go on as normal. Why can they not see what we are going through? Sometimes we put on a brave face to the outside world but often it is just a facade beneath which hides a turmoil of unexplained emotions which may erupt at any time like a slumbering volcano that’s set to wake up at any time. It seems there are several stages of grief to go through, shock, denial, pain, guilt, anger, depression, reflection, loneliness through to acceptance. I have felt all these and more. There is no set time as to when these stages of grief will happen or for how long but time does heal. We never forget but we do eventually learn to accept and come to realise that we have cherished memories that will last a lifetime, and that the essence and energy of what or who we feel we have lost is merely lost to us in the physical sense. We are all energy and as such energy just changes form. It takes time to heal and we each heal at our own pace and that is okay too. Eventually we arrive at a place of loving peace within. There are still clouds from time to time but now there are bursts of sunshine too and it is okay to feel the warmth of the sun once more. Love never truly dies. I miss my Dad and think of him often but I know in my heart that he is never really too far away. Sometimes I see a Butterfly or a white feather falling from the sky and I am reminded that all is well. This short blog post is dedicated to all those who have felt the desolation of losing someone or something they loved. 

© Liola Lee 2018

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Deep in thought in 1999

The following was a piece I wrote back in April 1999. The millennium was drawing to a close and so many people were thinking about what it might mean to themselves and the world. It was in the days before Facebook and Social Networking which has pretty much taken over our lives to one degree or another. It was I think before the Global Summits, though correct me if I am wrong here.  As you will see, I really was going through a period of deep thought. Even the ‘type/lettering used’ suggests a mind and imagination working overtime. I posted this in 2006 which I think was when FB was in it’s infancy. It’s been quite cathartic reading through some of my old writings and seeing how my thought processes were working back then. It’s pretty heavy duty stuff but hopefully it will give you ‘food for thought’.  This is how I felt back in 1999. My thoughts ran deep, in fact they often ran all over the place with nowhere to go. I feel  the transition from one age to the other is still taking place  but truly believe that the World will one day be a better place for those who come after us if we become better caretakers. Already people, ordinary people are trying to live life more in harmony with the Earth.  Please note that I use the term God but I am not overtly religious so this could just as easily be substituted with Universe/Creator or whatever resonates with you. We can all make a difference if we try.  So here it is.

(The image was captured in Porthcurno, Cornwall in May 2018)

‘ How soon the ‘Piscean Twilight’ sees the Sun set in all his splendour like an Orange Moon welcoming the wave of change. As the tide turns, an Aquarian vessel greets the golden glow of the New Dawn; the Dawn of the ‘Age of Aquarius’. A poetic picture maybe? Perhaps an image impressed and some might say stored in the collective unconscious of a world waiting for the ‘New Day’. A chapter waiting to be read for the past two thousand years.

As the Century, and more poignantly the millennium ends countless questions emerge as to the significance of the move from one sign into another. What exactly does all this mean? What, if anything will be different? Will we wake up on 1st January 2000 regenerated and reprogrammed ready to revel in the wonders of our wonderful world? Shall we see an end to starvation, famine, poverty, violence and war? ‘

This next bit seems very negative but do please read on, it is n’t all bad. Also, if at any point I offend anyone or say something that someone knows not to be true, please accept my apologies as no harm is meant and by all means comment. Remember that this was simply, how I felt prior to the end of one millennium and the beginning of the next.

Regrettably none of these terrible things will cease in an instant. If only that were possible. It has been said that God in all his glory created Man in his own image. Man then created a monster. Man’s Frankenstein was himself. He wanted the unobtainable. He craved power and profit and was determined to acquire his desires at no thought to the cost. Man’s lack of due care and attention was sending him in a spiral down towards his own demise. This was no spiral dance but spiral suicide.

We are continually bombarded with the ‘millennium Bug’ and all it’s implications to industry and commerce. Vast amounts of hard currency have been invested in developing the technology to terminate the expected virus.Could this computerised germ be the plague referred to by Nostra Damus in some of his quatrains? Will we witness a global shut down.

There is a mass movement in the making. Global gatherings united by a multilateral commonality to steer the World clear of self-destruction. Teachers appear in all guises and teach those who are open to learn. Sometimes we miss the lesson at first but remember something later. Prosperity begins in the mind. A single thought as a drop in the Ocean, knowing no boundaries in a measureless sea of Soular energy. 

We have travelled further in terms of advances made in the fields of science, transport and information technology, during the past two hundred years than the rest of the millennium put together. Arrogance clouds man’s vision and highlights his lack of humility. He has manhandled the mastery of his world and at times it seems he has lost touch with the state of being human. He has created a computerised cage in a virtual reality zone. His paranoia over a power cut magnifies the plethora of technology to which he has become enslaved. Manacled to the machinations of microchip technology, and bound by the binary code his blinkered vision narrows his horizons, reducing the realms of possibility, imprisoning individual expression and independent thought. Should the millennium Bug come to fruition it may serve to remind us that what has heart has meaning

Astrologically, Aquarius is symbolised by the Water carrier. Water is our sustenance and our substance. Without it we would die. To carry the water we require a vessel. Our vessel is Earth. Our survival and nourishment is dependent upon a clean supply. To maintain its purity we need fresh air devoid of pollutants that travel from place to place through the air. In Alchemy and other ancient arts Air is symbolised by the intellect, sometimes referred to as ‘ the breath of God ‘. The planet associated with Aquarius is Uranus. Myth states that Uranus was born of Earth. The incestuous mating between Uranus and Earth gave form to all living things. Uranus was castrated following a rebellion mounted against him by Saturn….

Saturn reminds us of our limitations and restrictions. Saturn is also known as Father Time, a constant reminder of the boundaries that surround us. Saturn is linked to the number six and Saturday, the sixth day of the week. The Old Testament says that God created the World in six days and rested on the seventh and then there is the Big bang theory that tells how the World as we know it was created out of the Chaos and darkness that reigned. 

Uranus represents change, disruption and shock not to mention excessive behaviour and possible nervous breakdown. The parallels of Man’s existence and that of his universe and maybe that of many individuals, myself include cannot be dismissed as pure coincidence. Can they? Advances in modern medicine, education and science have all contributed whether for good or bad, right or wrong to the infrastructure of modern society. Yet despite all our ‘mod cons’ and intricate state of the art devices we have imprisoned ourselves within a glass tower.

In our haste to progress and move forward we have lost sight of our roots. We are at odds with Nature. No longer working with her but foolishly attempting to harness those Earthborne energies with a view to controlling that which cannot be contained. In severing the umbilical cord our once inherent gifts and innate senses are no longer instinctual but infinitely impaired. We dismiss our sixth sense as nonsense and deny that gut feeling. We mistrust our intuition only later to discover that our initial reaction was right.

Where does this leave us? A vessel robbed ruthlessly of her riches and resources, steered by careless captains with carrion crews. What lies ahead? ‘ Apocalypse Now ‘ or ‘ Paradise Lost ‘. It is not too late to learn the lessons set. We are and always have been surrounded by symbols, images and signals to guide, warn and help us. By opening our eyes and listening attentively, by being prepared to delve beneath the surface we may find ourselves privy to information that may help us to help ourselves. The doors to perception are ours to open.

Some 75% of our brain lays dormant for much of the time. The possibilities of the human brain are enormous. Perhaps with practice we could tap into some of that unused space. I believe that there is an ancient wisdom locked away merely by the confines and limitations of our own imaginations. We have heard suggestions of hidden knowledge. The keys to unlock the mystery of life are all around. Historical characters including Leonardo da Vinci, Nostra Damus, Jesus of Nazareth, Des Cartes, Milton to name just a few all had ideas that seemed out of place in their world but they believed in something more than that which they could see. 

World leaders playing at politics is a play for power. People friendly it is not. As for promoting Peace it seems that those in charge first examine the stakes and place bets as to where lies the biggest profit. Sincerity and integrity are qualities sadly lacking in those purporting to be the people’s choice. The universal lesson of Cause and Effect shall be learnt. We shall reap what we sow and we shall get out what we put in. To get the best out of the World we must put our best into the World.Destruction or Enlightenment? Our world is and will be of our own making. The way ahead is written in the past and Ancient Wisdom will light the way in accordance with the laws of the Universe.

Change charges us with the task of reminding ourselves who we are. The truth will set you free to discover the mysteries of life and attain a higher state of consciousness that transcends what has gone before. The Aquarian influence will give us confidence in our quest.

© Liola Lee 1999

To Unborn Generations

To unborn generations, what will this world be like?

Will everyone still drive cars? Or maybe they’ll just hike.

And what of mobile phones? A wonderful invention or

the curse of modern man, cause of hypertension?

Will we still desire this contemporary accessory or

will at last, we have some sense, and leave it just to memory.

PCs, Macs and laptops, iPods, MP3s –

is it getting too much? Someone tell me please.

Everyone now emails, or texts in shorthand speech,

so few now use the language, teachers try to teach.

Respect for Law and Order, is at an all time low;

gangs of children rule the streets, status dogs in tow.

People being murdered, no care to whom they are;

stabbings every day now, crime has gone too far. 

No control, no restraint; war outside the door;

kids killing kids, for what? Status, kicks, not sure?

Time to take the kids in hand, time to give them back,

a childhood full of fun and play, things today they lack.

Perhaps while we’ve been working, in this world of high-tech stuff;

we have not even noticed,  the kids have had enough.

Kill him! Kill him! Chants are heard;

These, just children, how absurd!

Turn off all computers, switch off mobile phones;

play out with your children, make streets gang free zones.

We need to be the grown-ups, show them how it’s done;

we need to teach them right from wrong, 

before they come undone.

A Children’s Revolution, taking place outside this day:

result of what? Technology? No time to learn from play. 

To unborn generations, this world of ours will be,

what we care to make it, one of joy or misery.

© Liola Lee 2007

I wrote the poem below in 2007. I felt the ‘Gang’ issues in society needed to be addressed. I still do.  We need to do something as the situation worsens on our streets and in our cities. The image is a scan of one of my Granddaughters who will turn 13 later this month.

 

Chilli Tuesdays

Chilli Tuesdays have been a long standing culinary tradition here in our home or more accurately in our kitchen. Kitchens often tend to be at the heart of the home where  families gather and sit around the dining table to chat and catch up with the events of the day, in addition to telling stories and exchanging news. Our kitchen was and still is that place where minds meet, debate and tell tales if tales need to be told. Back in the days when our darling daughter Sam was a little ray of sunshine with the joy of childhood still raging through her veins, and no responsibility, she declared Chilli con carne to be her most favourite meal in all the world and please Mummy can you make it every week. It had to be Mum’s Chilli (mine) rather than Dad’s because Mum’s was more tomatoey with finely chopped vegetables which she liked, and Dad made his too hot and cut his vegetables too big as Dad’s often tend to do which she did not like. Like most Mums, I did whatever it took to keep the kids happy, fed and watered, and allowed them to be far too fussy where food was concerned. This was to prove a serious error in judgement on my part. To all you parents out there just starting out, do not do as I did and allow your children too much free choice  in the kitchen as  later down the line you will suffer the tantrums of them refusing to eat what is on the table. Tuesday was our ten pin bowling night where me and the husband would take a few hours out to go to the bowling alley for a bit of adult only time.  Sam would stay at home with her brothers and our lovely babysitter Daina. On this point I hasten to add that her brothers were old enough to look after her but made such a song and dance of it, that it was easier to ask Daina to come over to keep her company, and to ensure that our little cherub was content while we were away. The boys, her brothers were too preoccupied with going outside to play football or just hang out with their friends, as older kids choose to do in preference to staying home and looking after their little sister. Daina was sensible, reliable  and played games with Sam. Getting back to what became the dish of the day or rather the dish of every Tuesday, Chilli con carne became the staple supper of choice for it’s simplicity, and the fact that all the kids were happy to eat it, hence  Tuesdays have been affectionately dubbed Chilli Tuesdays ever since, even though now we do not eat Chilli every week.  This is because our dear little cherub is now all grown up with a responsible career and a sizeable salary, and Chilli con carne is no longer her most favourite meal in all the world . She would rather have a Dominoes or a Nandos. All that said, every so often I revert to cooking chilli on a Tuesday when the family needs to be grounded and a sense of normality is needed if there is really such a thing. When life becomes chaotic as it often does, and everyone is busy with the busyness that is life in the 21st century with us being on call 24/7 then just sometimes it is good to raise the old traditions that glue a family together before they become unstuck. This is just one of our traditions as daft as it may sound but all families can create rituals that give a sense of stability. We all need grounding from time to time and it helps knowing that things that we once valued are still there when the need arises. For the last eight months I have been following a vegetarian diet so the image shows a vegetarian chilli. The rest of the family still eat meat.

© Liola Lee 2018

Earthsterne

I wrote this way back  in May 1997. I came across it today whilst searching for something else. It is just over 21 years ago since I wrote it and it is clearly written for that particular timeframe. I was a mere 35 years old at the time just trying to work things out.  I was totally preoccupied with the pending Millennium back then and was involved in some heavy duty thinking as to what everything meant. If I have said anything that is incorrect or said anything out of turn that causes offence to anyone I apologise. I even sent it to a magazine only to be told that it was arrogant.  If it was/is I certainly did not intend that. Far from it! It was simply  how I saw things at the time but that is how it was dubbed at the time, and so I duly laid it to rest. That is until today.   Now at age 56 I still find myself  pondering over the meaning of life from time to time, but these days I accept that I am right where I am meant to be here and now. For now is what we have and that’s okay. The image shown is of the Ocean as it represents life. I captured the image in 2016 in Hawaii.

Life is an adventure. A Journey that may take us along many pathways, the final destination unknown. As we travel through life on this earthly plane we are each responsible for our chosen route. We enter this world armed with all the knowledge and wisdom gathered from all previous existence. Huge volumes bound in love and blood are inherently catalogued somewhere in the deep recesses of our subconscious mind. Most of us may glimpse briefly at the contents of this vast vault in our dreams, snatching snippets of something greater than this earthly reality, only to dismiss it without question when re-entering a state of conscious awareness.

Yet there are some with a pioneering spirit who need to explore the various states of consciousness by whatever methods and means are available and effective. The quest for understanding is not new but as ancient as time itself. With the dawning of the Age of Aquarius, the pursuit of finding a reason for being has intensified.

As we approach the end of the Piscean Age, many are no longer prepared to swim in the mainstream by ‘going with the flow’. A New Age is pending, promising plenty to those who open their hearts and minds to the potentiality and universal prosperity that planetary peace could bring. The New Age will see a mass resurgence of ancient practices. A return to Nature and a growing respect for the planet. By learning to nurture the Earth’s natural resources we may with time replenish her waning stores. The age old adage of ‘ you will reap what you sow ‘ may take on a whole new meaning.

The Age of Aquarius is a familiar phrase to many but many people have no idea what it means in real terms. The expression has its roots in Astronomy and Astrology. As far as I’m aware, as it follows it’s orbital path and rotates upon it’s axis the Earth shifts ever so slightly. This slight shift occurs over a period of some 25,920 years divided up into twelve months, which correspond with the twelve signs of the Zodiac. These ‘months’ are approximately 2000 earth years duration. We are, according to Astrology experiencing the Sun setting in all his metaphorical splendour on the Age of Pisces. Some 2000 years ago we welcomed the Piscean period in conjunction with the birth of a new religion, Christianity. The old Pagan religions were forced underground by the might and power of militant Christianity.

Militancy and religion seem so much a contradiction in terms on first inspection. However, a closer look reveals that this pairing may be more than appropriate. A look at the history books reveals horrific and bloody accounts of war and destruction carried out in the name of one god or another. Even those worshipping the same god murder one another. If it was only something we read as part of a history lesson it would not be quite so bad but in truth it seems that we have still not learned the lessons we need if we are to survive as a race for another 2000 years.

© Liola Lee 1997