Decisions, decisions…

I got through today or at least I think I did! I am still here, in one piece though a little fragmented if the truth be known, (although I have certainly had worse days in the grand scheme of things to be sure! But it is all relative!)

It is said or rather suggested that the Universe does not give us challenges that we cannot rise to or cope with. Not altogether sure whether I would agree with that or not? In fact, I do not see how that can possibly be true as people do not always seem to get through or over the obstacles in their way. Sometimes people do find strength, inner resolve or a way forward but sometimes and oftentimes they do not, or maybe they could have but the timing was all wrong and out of sync, and for some reason which is at this time, beyond my comprehension they do not deal with the here and now. They become emotional or rather over emotional. They get things out of perspective: not because they are wrong but because they cannot for the life of them see the woods for the trees.

Life can be such a roller coaster of events, feelings, emotions, turbulence, ups and downs and all sorts of other sh*t. Sometimes there are so many control dramas going on, including our own that we do not know what we are doing or which way to turn?

We, as a family have decided after a great deal of consideration and heartfelt torment to move our Mum closer to us. Obviously, we have her best interests at heart! That said, it has been a difficult decision! We will have to uproot her from her home where she has lived for over 30 years. A home she chose with my Dad who sadly passed away at the end of 2013. Since she had a fall in August 2019 we have been ensuring round the clock care for her. My sisters and I have had a rotation system in place so she is alone for as little as possible. Mostly it has worked! Our visits have overlapped and on the most part there has been little or no time where she has been alone. That said, we had one occasion a few weeks back where there were just a few hours overnight where she was on her own. It was a one off but that one off was where she had another fall.

I spent the night in hospital with her up on a drip. An uncomfortable night for both of us! Especially my mum, as they had no female beds available.  Anyway, we got through it! The result was though, that we have had to rethink our strategy for caring for her. She does not want outsiders involved, so we have been looking after her as best as we can to avoid that! We all have families of our own and there has been a knock on effect because we are each away from home for a couple of nights and days in the week.  One of us has not been able to be involved for the last few weeks because of a bereavement that has been truly hard on the whole family but especially my eldest sister who lost her son in a tragic accident.

However, we are all feeling it now, and feel as though our lives are fragmented and that we are not there for our children and their children. So, with much discussion, consideration, and in the past many U-turns we have made a concrete decision to move our lovely Mum closer to us. It has not been an easy decision, and there may certainly be repercussions but we are doing the best that we can.

We do not know what else to do!

Sometimes we have to take a risk!

Nothing changes, if nothing changes!

Hopefully, we have made the right decision but only time will tell!

Wish us/Our Mum luck!

Blessed be!

Liola

 

 

 

 

Reboot

Reboot, start over, begin afresh

all messed up like tangled mesh.

New beginnings, start again

crush the niggles, aches and pain.

Reboot, reboot, take me back,

abundance ruled, no thought to lack.

Press my buttons, ring my bell,

wake me up, fed up with hell.

Manmade prison, woman bound cell,

screams inside, can’t you tell.

Outer glitter, external Gold

beneath the surface, words untold.

Reboot, reboot, remove the mask,

reveal the layers, take on the task.

Tell the story, write those words,

tap those keys, voice be heard.

Reboot, reboot, readjust,

time for change, no whim, a must.

Reboot, reboot, reboot once more,

update  system, strengthen core.

© Liola Lee 2020

Just playing with words, and making connections. Still not sure where I am going with my blog. I have absolutely no clue at all. That said, I love the way words play out on the page. I have a wonderful book of verse called ‘The Golden Staircase’ which my Dad gave me when I was just a little girl. Not sure how it came into his possession. A second hand book shop maybe? At the time it was written rhyming verse was very much the in thing. I always loved the rhythms and beats of rhyming verse. That said, I equally love the more abstract free verse of today. Anyway, hope you like it and get something from the words. 

Blessed be!

 

 

 

 

 

Simurgh

Simurgh

A creature old as time itself,

Sits behind my shoulder;

Multi-coloured with glaring eyes,

Remains as I get older.

Mysterious beast with seven tails,

Flowing feathers downward trails:

Not a bird nor dragon,

Nor borne of Mother Earth;

Heavenly host of magical myth

Not from the flames, your birth.

You symbolise the unity

Of Heaven, and of Earth:

Personify integrity, not

From a place of mirth.

You fly on wings in timeless space,

Hold your head, heart strong grace,

Proud as a peacock, eyes that see

Part of the Universe, part of me.

Strength of Leo, Griffin like grip,

Guardian Angel, on my trip.

A healer, physician of

All that plagues mankind:

I searched so long,

My skin for you to bind.

An artist took a needle,

Drew deep into my back

Cut the skin, her canvas,

Coloured inks plus black.

And there you have it,

My tattoo, my Simurgh

My creature,

My permanent feature.

© Liola Lee 2007

I had the tattoo done towards the end of the last century. So, it is pretty old now. It was my first tattoo. I spent years searching for the right tattoo, then I found it. A Simurgh which symbolises the union between Heaven and Earth and is as old as Time itself. This was my first but not my last tattoo. The image is not great and to be honest the tattoo of my Simurgh could do with brightening up BUT as it symbolises being as old as time itself I am comfortable with it’s faded edges and outlines. I accept it as it is! It is what is it is, and that is just fine! The poem was written when I was on a poetry site named Poetbay some years ago. The Tattoo was created around 1999/2000. 

Blessed be!

Liola

© Liola Lee 2007

 

 

 

 

Wellies, Weebles and Wobbles

While working at wheeling my barrow into the field my foot became well and truly stuck in the mud. It felt as though my foot was sinking, and sinking fast. It was a horrible feeling as I felt almost as though I had no control, and would surely fall flat on my backside at any moment, which may have been preferable to falling down flat on my face or maybe not?  The more I tried to lift my foot with wellie boot intact, the more I felt, I was being sucked into the sludge in squelching splendour. I am pleased to report that I managed to keep my balance, my boot stayed on and I did not wobble like a weeble and fall down. (‘Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down’; Weebles were little egg shaped toy people that could be bought when my eldest son was just a little boy. A popular toy at the time). Actually, I did wobble a bit but quickly found my centre and stayed upright. However, falling down was a distinct possibility!

We all fall down at times. Sometimes we fall suddenly and unexpectedly, and at other times we see it coming and for some reason that we cannot fathom, we just cannot stop ourselves, no matter how hard we try, and down we go.

But here is the thing! We can fall, and stay stuck in the mud as it were OR we can get ourselves back up after a fall,  and work out why we fell in the first place. Perhaps we were not looking where we were going. Perhaps it was external factors at play that we had not prepared for. Perhaps it was trying too hard not to fall down as in what we resist persists. Sometimes when we try really hard not to do something, we end up doing it anyway. Why is that, I wonder? So what can we do, if we are to avoid falling down and getting stuck in the mud?

Well, I did not have to go into the field yesterday if the truth is to be told. I could see that Storm Dennis had turned the field into a quagmire of brown squidgy silt of sorts. No, I did not have to venture forth but venture forth I did, and why did I do that? To quell my OCD about keeping my field poo free. Yes, I did say ‘poo’ but I am talking here of horse droppings. Keeping the field clear from horse droppings reduces the worm burden in the field. Some people are obsessive over ‘poo picking’ (myself here included), and others are not. The bottom line is that I could have waited a day or two but chose not to wait. So, getting stuck in the mud, and having a NFE (Near Fall Experience) was of my own making but I did not fall down and get stuck in the mud, though I most certainly could have. I regained my balance and my composure, and came unstuck and stayed standing. The ‘poo’ was picked up as it were, and promptly without any pomp and circumstance, disposed off on the muck heap back on the yard. A job well done!

The moral of this story is that sometimes we can find ourselves stuck in the mud. Sometimes we fall, only to get ourselves back up, and move on. Sometimes we manage to stay upright after a few wobbles and keep our wellies on!

Blessed be!

Liola

© Liola Lee 2020