Decisions, decisions…

Decisions, decisions…

I got through today or at least I think I did! I am still here, in one piece though a little fragmented if the truth be known, (although I have certainly had worse days in the grand scheme of things to be sure! But it is all relative!)

It is said or rather suggested that the Universe does not give us challenges that we cannot rise to or cope with. Not altogether sure whether I would agree with that or not? In fact, I do not see how that can possibly be true as people do not always seem to get through or over the obstacles in their way. Sometimes people do find strength, inner resolve or a way forward but sometimes and oftentimes they do not, or maybe they could have but the timing was all wrong and out of sync, and for some reason which is at this time, beyond my comprehension they do not deal with the here and now. They become emotional or rather over emotional. They get things out of perspective: not because they are wrong but because they cannot for the life of them see the woods for the trees.

Life can be such a roller coaster of events, feelings, emotions, turbulence, ups and downs and all sorts of other sh*t. Sometimes there are so many control dramas going on, including our own that we do not know what we are doing or which way to turn?

We, as a family have decided after a great deal of consideration and heartfelt torment to move our Mum closer to us. Obviously, we have her best interests at heart! That said, it has been a difficult decision! We will have to uproot her from her home where she has lived for over 30 years. A home she chose with my Dad who sadly passed away at the end of 2013. Since she had a fall in August 2019 we have been ensuring round the clock care for her. My sisters and I have had a rotation system in place so she is alone for as little as possible. Mostly it has worked! Our visits have overlapped and on the most part there has been little or no time where she has been alone. That said, we had one occasion a few weeks back where there were just a few hours overnight where she was on her own. It was a one off but that one off was where she had another fall.

I spent the night in hospital with her up on a drip. An uncomfortable night for both of us! Especially my mum, as they had no female beds available.  Anyway, we got through it! The result was though, that we have had to rethink our strategy for caring for her. She does not want outsiders involved, so we have been looking after her as best as we can to avoid that! We all have families of our own and there has been a knock on effect because we are each away from home for a couple of nights and days in the week.  One of us has not been able to be involved for the last few weeks because of a bereavement that has been truly hard on the whole family but especially my eldest sister who lost her son in a tragic accident.

However, we are all feeling it now, and feel as though our lives are fragmented and that we are not there for our children and their children. So, with much discussion, consideration, and in the past many U-turns we have made a concrete decision to move our lovely Mum closer to us. It has not been an easy decision, and there may certainly be repercussions but we are doing the best that we can.

We do not know what else to do!

Sometimes we have to take a risk!

Nothing changes, if nothing changes!

Hopefully, we have made the right decision but only time will tell!

Wish us/Our Mum luck!

Blessed be!

Liola

 

 

 

 

Wellies, Weebles and Wobbles

Wellies, Weebles and Wobbles

While working at wheeling my barrow into the field my foot became well and truly stuck in the mud. It felt as though my foot was sinking, and sinking fast. It was a horrible feeling as I felt almost as though I had no control, and would surely fall flat on my backside at any moment, which may have been preferable to falling down flat on my face or maybe not?  The more I tried to lift my foot with wellie boot intact, the more I felt, I was being sucked into the sludge in squelching splendour. I am pleased to report that I managed to keep my balance, my boot stayed on and I did not wobble like a weeble and fall down. (‘Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down’; Weebles were little egg shaped toy people that could be bought when my eldest son was just a little boy. A popular toy at the time). Actually, I did wobble a bit but quickly found my centre and stayed upright. However, falling down was a distinct possibility!

We all fall down at times. Sometimes we fall suddenly and unexpectedly, and at other times we see it coming and for some reason that we cannot fathom, we just cannot stop ourselves, no matter how hard we try, and down we go.

But here is the thing! We can fall, and stay stuck in the mud as it were OR we can get ourselves back up after a fall,  and work out why we fell in the first place. Perhaps we were not looking where we were going. Perhaps it was external factors at play that we had not prepared for. Perhaps it was trying too hard not to fall down as in what we resist persists. Sometimes when we try really hard not to do something, we end up doing it anyway. Why is that, I wonder? So what can we do, if we are to avoid falling down and getting stuck in the mud?

Well, I did not have to go into the field yesterday if the truth is to be told. I could see that Storm Dennis had turned the field into a quagmire of brown squidgy silt of sorts. No, I did not have to venture forth but venture forth I did, and why did I do that? To quell my OCD about keeping my field poo free. Yes, I did say ‘poo’ but I am talking here of horse droppings. Keeping the field clear from horse droppings reduces the worm burden in the field. Some people are obsessive over ‘poo picking’ (myself here included), and others are not. The bottom line is that I could have waited a day or two but chose not to wait. So, getting stuck in the mud, and having a NFE (Near Fall Experience) was of my own making but I did not fall down and get stuck in the mud, though I most certainly could have. I regained my balance and my composure, and came unstuck and stayed standing. The ‘poo’ was picked up as it were, and promptly without any pomp and circumstance, disposed off on the muck heap back on the yard. A job well done!

The moral of this story is that sometimes we can find ourselves stuck in the mud. Sometimes we fall, only to get ourselves back up, and move on. Sometimes we manage to stay upright after a few wobbles and keep our wellies on!

Blessed be!

Liola

© Liola Lee 2020

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

To blog or not to blog?

To blog or not to blog?

To blog or not to blog? That is the question. But, and this is a big but, what is the answer? I remember starting a blog many years ago when blogging first became a ‘thing’. Another something that I could try my hand at. I think it was on a platform called blogspot. Does blogspot still even exist? It was a short-lived experience as I got bored pretty quickly and lost interest. Though in reality I most likely had many other things on the go back then (to be honest not much has changed on that score). It was one of those things I started but failed to finish or more aptly failed to continue for one reason or another that for the life of me I cannot recall at this time. It may come back to me but more likely it will not. I probably jumped on the bandwagon because it sounded new and exciting. In fact I think I only wrote and published one or two posts before deleting it all into virtual oblivion. Perhaps I stopped because I felt as though I had nothing worth writing  about, and little to say on anything in particular. I have raised this question after having read an interesting post titled ‘It’s 2020. Is Blogging Still Worth It?’ by Christian Mihai, The Art of Blogging which made me ponder my question ‘To blog or not to blog?’

I ask myself why am I blogging or trying to blog? What am I trying to do here? I have actually published 115 posts which is a lot by some peoples standards and a piddling amount compared to others. Posts which are a mishmash (is that a real word?) of content, from poems to photos, memoirs, snippets of unfinished stories, and musings or moanings on this wonderful, glorious thing that is life. Of course, I should perhaps not compare what I do, to what others do, but actually, of course  I do. I’d be lying if I said I did n’t! By looking at the work of others, does not one find inspiration to try harder, to become better, to write more, and to become more proficient in the art of blogging, and maybe at some stage write something to be truly proud of and that may in some way change someone’s life for the better.

I would like to say I have found my niche but this eclectic personality of mine has this tendency to get in the way more often than not. I wonder whether I will ever just settle to specialise in something specific? I have always been this way. It’s like I have this issue about being pigeon-holed in any way, shape or form, and yet the reality is that I would like to stop being a Jack of all trades, and become Master of one. However, I do not see how that is possible when I flit from one thing to another, and for the most part enjoy the variety, the diversity, the colours that come from changing my tune and dancing a different dance.

So getting back to my question of ‘To blog or not to blog? I think for now I shall attempt to keep this ‘thing’ this ‘space’ in the blogosphere going for the time being. I am so grateful for all the interaction and engagement from those who have stopped by here. Time is so precious and for someone to read something I have written is a wonderful gift.

Thank you so much!

Blessed be!

Liola

© Liola Lee 2020

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Imbolc (re-post)

Imbolc (re-post)

Last night I had the strangest of dreams! There was a pregnant man. Yes, I said a pregnant man. How can that be you may well ask? From what I understand, to dream of pregnancy within a dream is about giving birth to new ideas/projects and the like and not babies as in the real world. That said, I told my husband of my dream as I always do. He always listens, never really comments, and just accepts that I often have weird abstract dreams which I tell him about upon waking. He is used to it, and has listened to me telling him what I dreamed of for the best part of thirty five years. So nothing new there then!

Today is Imbolc in the Celtic Calendar, Candlemas in the Christian Calendar, also known as St Bridget’s Day. I knew this and knew a little about this. In the Celtic tradition, Imbolc marks the beginning of Spring , though with all this snow and freezing conditions, it does not feel much like Spring. It is, it seems the beginning of the lambing season, and there is the hint of new life in the making. Strangely, the original word Imbolc means ‘in the belly’ and that all is expectant and pregnant. There is the promise of renewal, potential that is hidden, and the life force is awakening.  As I read about Imbolc, and thought about my dream it seemed that maybe I am being given a message of some sort, maybe?

Imbolc is a time for letting go of the past, looking to the future, getting rid of what no longer serves us; clearing out the old and making room for the new. A time of new beginnings.  Brigid/Bridget is a Goddess of healing, poetry and smith craft. I have recently re-embarked on my journey in Pranic Healing, been revisiting my love of poetry, and my mum’s maiden name is Smyth (my mum is Irish and therefore I have Celtic roots). I come from a farming family on my Mum’s side, and my great grandfather was a Farrier/Blacksmith.  As I do not believe in coincidences, I am sure my dreams were sending me messages that the time is right for bringing in a new way of being. I believe in dreams, I believe in magic!

I wish you all a wonderful Imbolc/Candlemas and hope that what you dream for comes true, and that you may find magic in all that you do!

© Liola Lee 2019

I thought to re-post this as the United Kingdom looks to the future. A time for New Beginnings.

Brexit

Brexit

Today is the day when the UK leaves

the European Union, begins to achieve

independence and new times ahead.

The past is now past, let’s leave it behind,

let’s move forward, begin to find

a middle ground, a place to begin

to work together, mend the divide,

stop the bickering, begin to abide

by the majority decision that was cried

out loud, in the vote, the people voted

we want to leave, clear not coated.

The day is here, at last arrived,

so much waiting, perhaps contrived?

No more waiting, no more stall,

Let’s move on, let’s play ball.

© Liola Lee 2020

I could not let such an important day in our history go by without writing something, anything. It is just a few lines of verse to mark the occasion in a truly small way. It matters not whether you or I  in the UK voted leave or remain. The People voted in the referendum and more recently in the General Election. As a Democracy it has always been important to abide by the vote of the majority. It should not have taken as long as it did to honour the decision of the majority but the people would be heard. It’s what makes us a Democracy. For those of you outside the UK wish us well on our journey! It may not be an easy one but we will do the best we can always!